It's been a long time since I have managed a blog post. The past several weeks have been a long, exhausting blur. If I had to pick one word to describe them, it would probably be slog.
Having cancer is a terrible thing. Lots of well meaning people will tell you, when you have it, not to let it rob you of the things that matter, and it's true that attitude matters. But the plain fact is, being bludgeoned by serious illness and intensive chemotherapy just takes a lot out of you. It changes everything - your body, your face, your daily routine, your relationships, your faith journey. It wears you out and wears you down. It makes you feel like a stranger to yourself sometimes.
I am tired on all sorts of levels today, and I am simply here to say sometimes it is okay to rage and okay to grieve. It's not giving too much power over to the reality; it's simply acknowledging that sometimes reality is just hard. Really, really hard. And while I am thankful for prayers, peace, love, and people who care - all part of this journey- I have days where I just need to say I am weary, and that is the truth. I have days where I need to say enough is enough, and I want healing, and "how long, Lord?" And to know it is okay to say those things and okay to cry and okay to want my life back.