Tuesday, December 06, 2016
Just Keep Swimmin'....
I found the image not long after she told me she kept having an image in her mind of the two of us swimming toward our goals this week...which is funny, because neither of us really can swim!
M has a few very busy days: her annual board meeting, and a national convening for her organization. She has put a ton of work into prepping for both.
Me? We are completing our move on Saturday -- for real, we've hired movers -- and I start my clinical trial on Monday. And I don't really feel ready for either. And I'm exhausted. And struggling with some sadness and discouragement.
So "just keep swimmin'" feels appropriate somehow. I keep thinking of the buoyancy of water and feeling thankful for the ways in which God's love upholds us every day.
One gift today? It rained. Besides our wonderful sky light, one of the things I will miss most about the apartment we are leaving (the one we have been in for fifteen years) is the wide open view I have from my bedroom window. It's a view of a parking lot, where I love to watch the rain gather in puddles and shine in street lights, and a view of a tree lined street...with a number of trees that I have long called my sycamores. Although I am thankful that we are moving to a place with a tiny backyard, I will still miss this wide open view. The new "view" from my bedroom window is of a restaurant that sells chicken and has several neon beer signs in their windows. No trees from any windows but the sweet girl's room.
So I kept my blinds open all day, while I packed and sorted and spent a lot of time on the phone setting up things taking place next week (beginning of my clinical trial, internet wiring for the new house) and I kept an eye on my trees. I thanked God for the sanctuary that this room and that view have been for me, especially this year when I've had to spend a lot of time in bed.
It was a hard day in other ways I don't feel like going into. It's probably enough to say that I feel old and tired and broken tonight, but I just keep remembering I'm loved. And I just keep swimmin'.