That Tiny Little Word "So"...

This week's gospel readings have us in John 11, the story of the raising of Lazarus.

This has always been one of my favorite stories in the gospels, not only for how it shows us the love and power of Jesus, but because I am blessed to have sisters named Mary and Martha. The stories involving the sisters in Bethany have always felt especially close to my heart for that reason.

I've read John 11 so many times that the contours and curves of the narrative almost feel worn smooth. So when I hit a surprising "bump" in my reading yesterday morning, it grabbed my attention.

I was reading in the English Standard Version (ESV) and got to verses 5 & 6:

"Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was."

Jesus LOVED them. So when they were sick and in need, he....rushed to their side to do everything he could right away to fix things! That's what we expect from this story, isn't it, when we're reading with our natural mind and heart? That's what makes sense to us.

I was reminded of a scene with the sweet girl from sometime last month. She wanted something, something badly, and we wouldn't let her have it (I honestly don't recall what it was, but it wasn't something we wanted her to have at that time, and we were trying to help her work through her initial response, which involved a lot of anger and petulance.) She got a little tearful and said "But don't you love me? If you love me, and it's a good thing, why won't you let me have it?"

So often this is the state of my heart before God. Sometimes I'm angry and petulant, but sometimes I move past that and just end up weepy. "But Lord," I say, "this isn't a bad thing I want. It's a good thing! It's something you'd bless! I don't understand why I can't have it!"

And it's harder sometimes, isn't it, when the "thing" we want isn't so much a "thing" as something even more important and intangible (but just as real a need as any desire for a more tangible object). Lord, I want healing for this person I love. Lord, I need to be able to feel your presence NOW.

That tiny little word "so" really jumped out at me. Jesus loved them, SO he waited. Some translations use the word "yet" or "but" which alters the meaning a bit, or at least bends to our natural bellowing in the face of this kind of thing. The "so," tiny as it is, helps me comprehend at least a fraction more of the deep love and wisdom of God.

He loved them too much to give them the quick and easy "fix." He could have rushed to their side and healed Lazarus, and yes, that would have blessed them (how many times do we see Jesus heal in the gospels, so simply and quickly and in immediate response to a request made in faith). In this case, he had a bigger blessing in view, one that would not only do more in the lives of Mary, Martha and Lazarus than they ever would have imagined possible (and we ourselves can only imagine the soul growth and the deepening trust Jesus' actions brought forth in the hearts of these dear friends) but a blessing that encompassed many more people who witnessed the raising of Lazarus and who came to know Jesus as a result of it. Jesus had the kingdom in view, and his waiting was part of that kingdom work.

But Jesus never loses sight of his friends or how much he loves them. Maybe that's why John gives us that glimpse of Jesus weeping at the tomb. I remember I used to wonder, why was Jesus weeping? He knew what he was about to do! But his friend is dead, and has been dead for four days. As we see Jesus weeping in that moment, we realize that he knows what his waiting has cost these beloved friends in terms of real anxiety and grief. He knows, more than anyone, the darkness and sadness of death and how it's left its mark on his good world. He knows, more than anyone, what it will cost to defeat it.

It dawned on me that there's one other place in John's gospel where the word "so" has jumped out at me before. That would be in chapter 3, verse 16. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

He loves us so...enough to weep with us, enough to give us what he truly knows is best, enough to keep the world and the kingdom in view even while working in the small seedbeds of our hearts.

There is so much to that tiny little word "so."